Dallas, Texas (WiredPRNews.com) — That time of the month is here and you can feel it coming on with a vengeance. Your head begins to ache–your middle starts to feel tight and fluffy like you are carrying a water balloon in your control tops. And while you are fighting desperately with the acne demons to keep your skin as smooth as your designer skin creams can keep it, that one red bump pops up on your chin like a lighthouse calling ships to shore.
That vice inside your skirt begins to tighten leaving a pain which no medicine or pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream can take away. Soon, irritability takes over you and before you know it, horns are popping out of your freshly highlighted locks.
Ladies, your cycle is here and if your co-workers know what’s best for them, they’ll keep you quarantined for the next 4-5 days until Hurricane Menstrual Cycle has gone back out to sea.
So what does this mean for you at the office? Simple. It means that it’s the perfect time to hand your Boss Man this memo which will explain he situation and all necessary escape routes to the nearest safe zone. Read on.
To: Mr. Boss Man
From: Ms. Moody This Week
RE: Work Flow–and All Flows
Dear Boss Man:
I’m sure it has come to your attention as a supervisor that the female members of your team become strangely emotional and erratic for one week per month. Rest assured, this metamorphosis is not to disrupt productivity, but to ensure the future of the human race. In order to better handle the weeks and months ahead of the primal female behavior, I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of suggestions to make you and the rest of the male staff more aware of the strife that we face, as well as how to overcome the Red Zone.
1.) There may be times during the Red Zone week that we must leave unexpectedly. Please know that we are not leaving to meet friends for coffee. This unexplained, unplanned exit is merely due to unforeseen circumstances which require a little “tidying up.” We will be back as soon as possible and don’t wish to get into detail as to why this happens.
2.) Coffee helps. The caffeine acts as a diuretic and can help this Marshmallow Girl return to actual size. Starbucks is appreciated.
3.) Working lunches must wait. Getting up and outdoors for one hour of the day helps the tension and keeps us active. Walking quiet the monster, so encourage us to get out and get some air.
4.) If you see that beacon on our chin, don’t look at it, point at it, or even act as if you ever saw it. Our hormones will not allow for us to take a comment like that lightly.
5.) Compliments are as good as a bonus. During the Red Zone, we couldn’t feel uglier, chubbier, moodier or less desirable. A simple “that’s a fantastic blouse you have on” will send us to the moon and earn you a spot on the World’s Best Boss list.
6.) Of course, bonuses are always a great supplement to a compliment as well and certainly helps morale.
7.) Be patient but not demeaning. We know you are aware of our mood swing. Be patient and realize we are working through the issue at hand, but don’t attribute our errors to it either. You’ll never be able to live that one down.
8.) Chocolate. Need I say more?
I hope that with these suggestions, our team and workplace as a whole can better understand our Work Flow and will take some, if not all of these suggestions to heart making our company a more understanding and nurturing place to work.
The Working Women of America