Sometimes, at the end of a particularly difficult or frustrating day for my parents — let’s face it, because we all live it — I find myself drifting my eyes and wandering into a warm, quiet dream to enjoy an uninterrupted bath by candlelight with a glass. taxi-frank, or my husband and I warmly embracing. The reality is, if I’m lucky enough to be able to pee without a kid knocking on the door he wants my love and attention. I know I’m not alone when I feel touched or touched too much as a mother.
If you know me and follow me, you know me too always keep it real, which is why I want to delve deeper into this topic of feeling touched as a mother, even if speaking seems like a small taboo. As always, I am committed to creating a safe space for mothers to talk about things that may be judged or embarrassing. But, here’s the thing: motherhood is a journey, and it brings together many feelings and experiences with everything in life, not all of which are positive!
So without further ado, let’s talk about feeling too touched as a mother.
Feature image Taylor Jones.
What does it mean to be too touched?
Children, of course, do not have the same limitations as adults in terms of personal space, and this is understandable as they learn to create healthy attachments. Before children learn language to express their needs, they trust you to offer them the care and love they need to feel safe, and this is usually the case. form of physical touch.
While breastfeeding, holding, carrying on the hips, and small hands grabbing all of your parts, mothers often don’t have time for themselves. In fact, a survey suggests that mothers have an average 32 minutes of “my time” day. And as a mother, that can be generous.
The self-care movement has exploded in recent years, and for good reason. It’s called self-care promoting general well-being and reducing anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. So what happens when your intense physical work as a parent doesn’t give you time to take care of yourself? You smoke with your touch. You find yourself physically kissing your partner back, even if you love them and want to be close to them. Being too touched affects yourself and your relationships, and that’s a lot to take away from anyone!
Most excited, it was very difficult for me to reconcile my needs, even if I was close to the needs of my children. I also felt very embarrassed recognizing this, because there are so many need in terms of motherhood. I should thank you for breastfeeding my baby. I should rejoice because they want to flirt with me all the time because they don’t want to soon. And if you are experiencing these feelings too, you should know that this is completely normal and does not in any way suggest that you are a bad parent. It’s absolutely worth it to have to find a place for yourself so that you can save yourself and your senses, refill the tank and get the best out of it.
To better understand the concept of being too touched, I clicked Danielle Locklear, was able to provide some insights and advice to a licensed marriage and family therapist. I left our interview with a lot of valuable information, which will be included throughout this article, but one that immediately struck me: that you no want to touch, remember that it is a physical response and not to feel embarrassed or guilty.
How to communicate your needs
The best thing to do when you start to feel overwhelmed is to communicate your needs. I know, it’s easier said than done, but I have some tips for starting a conversation. When it comes to explaining problems to my parents, I think the best time to talk about my needs is when I feel at ease, because I think it’s hard to communicate consistently when I’m anxious and overwhelmed — I know. I am not alone!
First of all I am clear about my needs. Sometimes what I need is as easy as reading an hour behind closed doors, and other times I need a weekend trip with myself or my girlfriends. My husband Tyler always understands what to do when he has to fill my cup and never makes me feel guilty. After all, your partner is here to take care of their parents together, which also means making sure they take care of each other. Every time I return from a short break, it always benefits me, my children, and my relationship with my husband.
Children, on the other hand, understand the need for space a little less. But communicating with them when they need a break to be touched also helps them to teach boundaries. A simple statement: “I love spending so much time with you and giving you slowness, but I need some time to sit on my own,” can usually do the trick.
And Locklear agrees: “Communicating our physical boundaries and clear messages of consensus to children ends up being a beautiful lesson for future relationships,” he says. Setting boundaries with your children will not only protect you, it will have a double impact on their development when they begin to understand the proper boundaries of touch and physical behavior. I found this point very inspiring: communicating early with your children and sometimes “now is not the time” is really beneficial for you and modeling for them.
“Communicate everything that is non-negotiable and then let them know where they have the opportunity,” Locklear explained. “For example, the living room will be a quiet place but you can make a puzzle or a color. Otherwise, you can get into your room and make a lot of noise. ” This type of modeling informs children that these things are no for discussion, but here are your options. It will help them to recognize that they can do it later in life set limits, be it at work or in a love life. Better to teach early, I say!
How to deal with it
Once you’ve told your partner and children how you feel, if you’re still struggling, there’s no shame in that either. Near the end of our conversation, Danielle said something that really stuck with me.
“Don’t hold back your expectations [of what you’re capable of] to an old standard. Your family is not the same as it used to be. ”
And I couldn’t agree more.
With all the blessings that motherhood offers, there is a lovable part of work — yes, work — that keeps you grounded. Before I became a mother, I read all my parents’ books, and none of them prepared me for the fatigue of always being a little attached to my body.
A big part of parenting is stumbling and figuring out what it’s for you. With a little communication and allowing yourself to rest from time and touch, you’ll be better off giving these famous mother-snuggles without sacrificing yourself.