4 ways with a negative friend (and help) – Wired PR Lifestyle Story

We all have Debbie Downer in our lives: a colleague who always complains, a negative friend who feels the way she has access to the world, or a family member who thinks they will never be measured. The spiral trapping of negativity can be tiring and self-destructive even for the most positive of us.

I almost had to cut ties with one of my BFFs, it seemed like no matter where we were or what we were doing the negativity always came out. It took me a while to figure out that the ways to try to help were like ventilating hot coals.

With a change of perspective and some tips at the hands of experts, I was armed with the tools to manage it successfully. If you’re afraid of being around someone who is chronically angry, critical, angry, or a bit rude, here are four key things to keep in mind when contacting a negative friend to stay calm and your sense.

Negative people generally don’t see it that way. In their minds, the world is all that is negative, and they are responding to that. Also, something that is happening behind closed doors is not known, so try to be curious and cheating on your point of view. Negativity can be disguised as crying out for help. It could be this person urduri, facing insecure or the dreaded part of life they have never encountered? If so, realize that it can be painful and they may not have reliable support. It’s always easier to offer compassion to someone if you’re trying to put yourself in their shoes.

2. Don’t let your emotions make the most of you.

When someone frustrates you or gets into your skin, always dig deeper breathe before reacting. If you’re bored, it’s best to have a discussion later when you’re calmer. At that hour Dr. Judith Orlff, author Emotional Freedom: Release from negative emotions and transform your life, He says the following three things are essential to help this person:

1. Pay attention only to solutions, not problems.

2. Be a good listener and keep in mind your tendency to interrupt, even if you disagree.

3. Be mindful of your tone and body language, as negative people may react harshly to others.

If you become defensive and let your emotions drive the situation, that person will immediately realize that you can depend on them to get a response that justifies your inability. In my case, when I was trying to respond negatively to my friend when I was biting my tongue, I listened to Dr. Orlff’s advice and took a deep breath (or 10), and reminded him that it was better than empathizing with his struggles. fed there. This helped me to show inner strength and kindness from a distant place.

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Setting and maintaining boundaries is essential to having healthy relationships with others and ourselves. When someone behaves in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or angry, they will probably cross a line and it’s up to us how we decide. protect ourselves. Of course, it’s easier said than done to set boundaries, especially with someone you love. At first, I was guilty and afraid of my friend’s response. Then I reminded myself that I can’t change people; they need to be willing and open to change themselves.

It’s hard to take the big road and create distance – we’re human, and we love to teach and teach each other to always be there. But sometimes the “support” we provide allows for behavior and depletes us of the “E” red line. Boundaries are not a sign of a healthy relationship; they are a sign of self-respect.

Allow yourself to put on an oxygen mask as soon as possible – set boundaries and stick to guns. Sometimes silence is the best way for people to really hear themselves.

4. Ask yourself: What is there for me?

The definition of madness has been said to be doing the same thing over and over again and different results are expected. The next time you’re reluctantly attracted to that person, do a mental check-in and ask yourself why you voluntarily continue to return. Are you focusing on them because of your distraction or insecurity? Or, are you trying to get this person talking so you can have something new to gossip about on Sunday lunch?

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author Emotional intelligence 2.0 He says, “When it comes to toxic people, fixing how crazy and difficult they are gives you power over them. Stop thinking and talking about how troubling your difficult person is, and pay attention to how you can manage it. That makes you more effective at controlling it.”

Sometimes we inadvertently maintain negative or toxic relationships for our own selfish gain. To make that happen, we give up all control of our boundaries. To help others better, we must first have the best version of ourselves.

Recent thoughts …

The next time a negative person dares you, control what you can remember and erase what you can’t. Hopefully, that person will want to change one day. Until then, we can come from a place of compassion and understanding, while we love enough to care for our needs. The best thing you can do is accept them as they are, let them know you believe in their ability to be happy, and give them the opportunity to give you space.

This message was originally posted on June 7, 2019, and has been updated ever since.