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As soon as he got married, something started to happen …
Everyone wanted to know the “story”.
Engagement Story ™ is a special breed of storytelling. From a Jumbotron, a flash mob, anything to strategically arranged pink petals can participate. Sometimes there is an unexpected element where friends or family can play roles. At other times, it’s a quieter account, something between two people in a place that is meaningful to them.
Engagement has long been a pressure-filled milestone. In the past, I’ve written about it how I felt apparently when everyone promised this club, but me. Nowadays, there is an added hope of turning it into a PR story neatly wrapped up for social media. Not only do you share your engagement story orally, but also with mobile phones, often with a bright photo (or five).
Whenever someone asks for the story, I’m never sure what to tell them. I am a writer; no one appreciates a story more than I do. But our engagement story doesn’t fit in a tidy box. What will justice do to him? Where does it start?
On the one hand, I wasn’t surprised.
Marriage was something we discussed for a while. As a friend wrote on a card: “We’ve been waiting for this news for a while.” According to another friend, “What the hell did it take so long?” We came to the table with our luggage, and it took us a minute to unload. Although we never questioned our relationship, we discussed a lot about our future expectations, the problems we had with the wedding organization itself, and a series of unanswerable questions without a glass ball.
Last summer, we overcame the last hurdle, finally overcoming our constant fears. One day, as I was sitting on the couch, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I’m ready.” Like a newly reached 450 degree oven.
“Ready for what?” I said.
“Get married! I think we should do it. ‘
“Okay!” I replied.
I think we were somehow engaged.
It felt good to take this big step together. In the coming weeks, we started sharing the news. We were excited! So of course we hoped there would be other people as well. But as soon as anyone told us of our intentions, their eyes immediately turned to my left hand.
“Where’s the ring?” he asked not so subtly.
“What’s the date?”
“Don’t you have to ask?”
For me, our conversations seemed like a compromise. (We are humble people; a flash mob can take us back to our house so we don’t get out again.) But people kept asking.
Then one night when I was going to dinner I saw my boyfriend doing something weird. She wore a sweater straight in front of her, like a bridesmaid, holding a bouquet of clothes.
“I was more involved in the arm,” he protested later, as I shared this part of the story.
This is not the case.
“Well, I think I’ve moved on!” he says. “I fell almost in a moment.”
After dinner, we sat on a bench by the water, with two bright stars seen from NYC. Then he fell silent. Apparently, very calm. (He remembers, “I was nervous!”) He crawled into the sweater and pulled out … an enamel frog. (My boyfriend’s mother acquired a box of Frog Prince as a not-so-subtle suggestion the year before. I saw it arrive in the mail, but I had no idea what it was. And now, it was here! It all re-created its glory.) Inside the frog, a ring there was. The ring now lives on my finger.
“You’re engaged!” they all said.
For years, I complained about something I called a “two-headed monster monster,” like a fairy-headed muppet with two heads that displays rings prominently. Literally everyone I know has come up with a version of this photo announcing their engagement. (Hell, I did it now.) I have been happy for all of them. But I remember how it felt to be a single person, seeing only that small part of the photo. That’s why I’ve been reluctant to share it on traditional platforms. Some things are not easily summarized under the heading. And there is often more to the story.
Whatever form our weddings take, we are eager to invent it together. We love the idea dog in a tiny formal dress — I’m lucky to have found someone who matches the same — and in one way or another gathering friends and family. Whatever we do, I know it will feel like us.
Our experience of engagement has reaffirmed what I have always believed, which is that when it comes to personal milestones, everyone must do what is right for them. It’s your story to write the way you choose.
PS Sweeter proposal stories and how to know who your partner is.
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