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Director of Photography Ava Benjamin Shorr He has worked on pioneering shows and films – including Dissemination, Which examines in depth Hollywood’s image of transgender people. Here, she shares the secret of her shiny skin and what she has learned about her gender expression …
Documentary Dissemination it is remarkable. I have seen it many times. How did it feel to work on this project?
During the conversations, my jaw was opened because people were telling beautiful stories about transgender people. As a trans person, I found it difficult to find my history because it is not in the media and is not taught in schools. It is mainly transmitted from one person to another. For outreach, we interviewed creative and trans thinkers about Hollywood’s representation of transgender people and the impact this has had on the community. We shot all the interviews in small batches and it was awesome – I got to know my heroes.
What was it like for you to tell the stories of trans people?
It was an emotional project. Often as a DP, you’re asked to look at the psychological aspects of the characters – that’s where the lighting and framing options come from. But, in this project, all the emotion was in front of us. It was quite an intense journey to learn how some of my transphobia was established and how the media and Hollywood created generations of transphobic people in western society. I would receive flashbacks to the embarrassment of my childhood.
How was your trip?
At first I felt like I was seven or eight years old with something different. I woke up from a fog and felt like I was becoming conscious. Around 11 or 12, I started crossdressing a lot and did it in private for probably about 10 years. No one in my family ever caught me, but I came closest when my brother was in kindergarten and my parents came home and my mother said, ‘Are you wearing a mask?’ And I said “No …” I thought I had cleaned everything up. After that, I was very careful not to get caught.
How did you learn more about your personality?
Because of the internet, when I was about 14 years old I started to realize that there were trans people, but I didn’t take myself as one of them. In the early 2000s, many things on the line were hyperfeminized with pink butterfly gifs. “If this is trans, I’m not me,” I said. Instead, I was like, ‘Look, look at that cute punk girl out there’. I liked alternative cultures and basketball and skateboarding. Transness and these things were never seen together with a single human being. But as a teenager, I saw more trans women gender variant and a little more like me. I was a trans I slowly started to give up on this idea. I started the transition when I was 24 years old.
How did that feel?
I have been working with hormones for the last seven years and have had surgery on my bottom, but I still wake up every day with dysphoria about my body. It’s a constant struggle to feel comfortable in my skin. But I know it’s a journey and I think it’s sometimes healthy to think about how we always want to change something and that’s okay.
What were your beauty patterns growing up?
My eyes were constantly picking up on all these image, style and clothing options. They were getting into a big messy brain that didn’t know how to process everything. I was pretty lost. Andreja Pejić it meant a lot to me. When she became great as a model, she made men’s and women’s clothes and people gave her men, but she was very androgynous. I remember it was interesting because I thought it wasn’t a sexualized object – it was more than a cultural character. I also find it important to share what I owe people with black and colored trans women. Every day I learn from them how to be strong and how to love. Colored women transs laid the foundations for the rights and freedoms I have today as a trans person.
How is your morning routine?
I wake up very early. I received this crazy addiction to this so-called trading card game Magic: reunionso sometimes I can play online in the mornings. I do my skin care routine, and then I get a double shot of Starbucks before I warm up.
What skin products do you swear by?
It is the serum of my holy grail COSRX Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence.
What about snail essence? I’ve been hearing a lot about that lately.
It’s one of the most moisturizing serums I’ve used; and about $ 25, which is one of the cheapest I’ve found. I live in LA, it is very dry which helps to save my skin. My face will be very floating and shiny. Then, to get the moisturizer, I love the way Dermalogica Intensive Moisture Balance it makes my skin feel. For sunscreen, I like it Elta®.
Do you smell signature?
I have two. It is the first Soulmates Roll On Perfume. I’m almost out and don’t want to use it anymore because it smells so good. Then a friend gave it to me Whole Foods vanilla perfume roll-on, I love that too. I’ve wasted so much money on perfume, and one of my favorites is $ 10 from Whole Foods!
What is your beauty philosophy?
Individualizing yourself is a huge part of the culture, and it’s important to celebrate what people want to do to decorate themselves. I think we have just now begun to accept individualized beauty in all its forms and forms. Controlling my body has been the strongest and most positive thing I have ever done.
Thank you, Ava!
PS Three transgender children share their stories and “little gay house” tour.
(Photos Ava Benjamin Shorr / Instagram and The Queer Review.)
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