What does it mean to think of cancer as a fight? – Wired PR Lifestyle Story

People often say that cancer is a “battle” or a “war” or a “fight”.

But does that help? Certainly, this metaphor can be motivating. But it can also be difficult, says my twin sister Lucy Kalanithi, MD, in his podcast, Gravity.

“A fight consumes,” he says. “Fighting only means resistance, with little room for integration or acceptance. And, in the fight, … there are losers. “

When Lucy’s husband, Paul, who died of cancer six years ago, and was shocked to see the headline of the regional newspaper: “Paul Kalanithi, Who Penns Essays on Dying, Succumbs to Cancer.” “No, he didn’t,” he thought. “He died, though he did not submit“.

The combat metaphor can also be difficult for patients to handle. “I don’t love it,” he admitted Shekinah Elmore, interviewed radiation oncologist Lucy’s podcast. Shekinah has had many types of cancer, including breast and lung cancer. Laughing, she says, “I told my husband, ‘If someone writes about me, when I die, that I’ve lost the fight against cancer, I’ll persecute them. I’ll come back and persecute them.’

So if we don’t describe cancer as a fight, how can we think otherwise?

As a guide, he turned to the work of the poet Shekinah Audre Lorde, who suffered from liver cancer. Lord said “we should expand the definition of winning so that we don’t lose.” His winning version said: “I want my whole life, long or short, with as much sweetness as I can handle decently, to love all the people I love and to do all I can to do the work I still have to do. I’ll write fire on my ears, eyes, nostrils “Everywhere I go. I’ll breathe like a meteorologist!”

After being diagnosed with cancer, Shekinah chose to continue medical school, married, had children and signed a 30-year mortgage on a house. “Knowing that the earth can fall under my feet at any time doesn’t mean I can’t move forward on my long-term dreams,” he says. “It simply came to our notice then. There’s pressure to achieve those milestones, really, when my parents or the beautiful time I live in that house is so beautiful … All the good things I’ve done will be part of someone’s life. And what a beautiful life to live your life … I decided I had already done it, that I had already won.

In your life, have you used the metaphor of battle? Did you find it helpful or complicated? Sending a big hug to whoever needs it today. Here the whole section, if you want to listen and you can find it here are eight Gravity sections. (Here’s a moving episode where Lucy and her daughter recover Paul’s words.) Thank you so much, Lucy and Shekinah. xo

PS “After being diagnosed with cancer I learned nine life lessons“.

(Photo by McKinsey Jordan / Stocksy.)