[ad_1]
Attempts to seek the help of her manager to contact Ana for abusive colleagues were in vain. “My boss told me, ‘It’s a slogan, wait until it’s fucked up.'”
As he was relatively new to his job, he lacked allies to give his perspective to the marketing company he joined. Feeling poor and alone, he contacted me to try to find a way to deal with his situation in order to get psychological training.
Like Anna, many people strive to find the clarity and confidence needed to get out of abusive situations in which they work. Instead, they tend to think, “What have I done wrong?”
In a very unstable situation, it is very easy to overestimate your work when it happens, when it may be the product of a dysfunctional arrangement, or simply depending on individual behavior: the bullying leader or toxic colleague. Often the culprit is successful and charismatic, which exacerbates the confusion.
Also, if your spectacular work is arousing envy, then trying to correct things by improving your performance can only make things worse. Also, if you try to defend yourself by questioning the culprit’s ability, you are unlikely to get your opinion. Expressing your feelings to a colleague who is leading your sensitive life makes sense if he or she can control his or her emotions.
Anna, an American in her thirties, was afraid of her job when an aggressive colleague got into her job, attacked her character, complained, and threatened to fire her. Issues worsened as the situation caused traumatic memories of the harassment she experienced as a child.
He explains: “I saw how one behaves and he started to question that. That surprised me: ‘Is something wrong with me?’ And not knowing where the calibration was, it created a lot of fear and constant fear. “
I explained that her coworker’s behavior was designed to make Anna feel unsafe for not feeling inappropriate. It seemed clear that the colleague would not leave and that the company would hardly take action. After Anna faced these realities, she was able to leave the hook and plan an outing.
He says: “What was useful in our conversations was the disintegration of the organization’s culture, psychology, DNA. It was clear that the organization didn’t care. There’s a CEO who is very controlling and everyone else who is completely representative and worth zero.”
Transforming his vision not only reduced his fears, it also restored his confidence. He did not allow himself to be the target of unjust projections from his colleague. With this approach, he can respond to what is really happening, rather than recover from childhood trauma.
“I don’t like dealing with screams and“ BS, ”but yes [now] realize that it is unpleasant to catch it in the rain. It doesn’t mean anything to me, it just means I’m wet. ”
At work, there is rarely any time, experience, or motivation to solve ingrained psychological problems. It’s often easier to absorb negative projections from others than to accept that your organization doesn’t interest you and doesn’t support you.
However, there is a high risk of serious damage to self-esteem, smoking, or depression. Such mental states blur thinking and decrease concentration, which leads to a decrease in one’s self-belief and performance. So the best goal should be to protect oneself. Practice limiting damage, not challenging yourself as much as possible, moving to another position in the company, or looking for another job.
While it can be frightening for some exit opportunities, especially if their confidence has fallen, it is much easier to leave the toxic situation than to recover from long-term adverse effects.
Michael, 35, also a communications manager at a manufacturing company, initially claimed responsibility for a dispute with his manager. But the truth is that his boss was jealous of Michael’s horrible personality and imaginative ideas. When he did well, he threw the main one.
“I felt very demoralized,” Michael says. “There’s a kind of madness – I didn’t read and none of my skills started to think that there should be an important language or a private way of doing things.
“Now I realize it wasn’t for me. My manager was very confident and projected his concerns into his team. “
It was Michael’s psychological appearance, trying to adapt and work harder when things got harder, but that only got worse. The learning curve for him, despite his commitment, drive and integrity, acknowledged that he would never move forward in that particular institution. In the end, he left knowing that failure was not.
“I assumed for years that I was there to validate the work, but I saw there how much work I did that validation didn’t come. It was a tough experience, I certainly got there.”
It can be frustrating to realize that not everything can be fixed, but it is also reassuring to know that everything is not in your hands.
“I had a very proud sense of my ability to shape organizations,” says Michael. “Like an abusive relationship, it’s hard to let go of the courage – it was the best thing I did in the end.”
If you find yourself demoralized, depressed, or burnt out at work because of an abusive relationship or a toxic culture, find someone you trust – a former mentor, a close colleague, or a coach with psychological experience. It may interrupt your self-destructive monologue and provide more realistic explanations and solutions to consider.
Ask yourself if situations are difficult and need to be addressed or if they are a symptom of a difficult individual or a larger cultural problem that is unlikely to change.
Moving away from a poisonous environment is reinforcing and is almost always calming. Making sense of the experience allows you to let go of not only bad work, but also bad feelings. The ultimate goal is to get rid of the value of your whole self.
The writer is a business consultant and psychotherapist. He is the author of the next book, ‘The Man Who Mistook His Job For His Life’.
[ad_2]
Source link
